Yahweh, today started off so good. I turned ten today the double-nickel as my sister used to say. I remember when I was five, and we were still living in Nepal, my sister turned ten too. It was a very, very happy day. We had a party for her, everybody laughed, she got a lot of presents, and mamma even made sweet pudding for dessert. It was such a happy day. When I woke up this morning, I forgot for a moment where I was. I thought maybe I was still back in Nepal and there would be a party for me too. But I was not and there was not. Yahweh, how long do I have to suffer? How long will you forget about me?
Yahweh, shortly after my sister turned ten, papa died. I was really, really sad, but mama said everything would be ok. The Christian missionaries brought us some food and clothes and we are able to survive. Mama worked two jobs and my sister and I helped too. I thought we were doing ok. I still think we were doing ok. Yahweh, did we do something to make you mad? Why did things stop being ok?
Yahweh, you know that mama met that man. She said she was lonely and needed
someone to help her financially. Sister and I didnt like him from the beginning. We knew he was trouble, but we tried to be good children for mamas sake. She told us Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. Yahweh, were we not good? Is that why you took your hand of protection off our lives?
Yahweh, one day mama said that her new husband was sending us away to school to learn to be nurses. She said that it would be good training for us and were very fortunate to have this opportunity. She said wed learn skills to get a good job, make money to support the family, and never be poor like she was. She said we could come home on holidays and visit. Sister and I were a little scared. We didnt like that man, but we trusted mama. She said, Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. We trusted you too Yahweh. Yahweh, why did you let mama marry that man? Why did you let her send us away?
Yahweh, that man took us to Auntie in the village next to ours. She was a scary old woman without any teeth. She was to take us to school. When that man handed us over to her, he told us Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. Auntie gave that man a carton of cigarettes and a bottle of alcohol. We thought it was strange at the time, but assumed it must have been a gift. It was only later we learned that he sold us to her for those things. Yahweh, I pray that you give this man cancer and let him die a slow and painful death from the alcohol and cigarettes. Yahweh, why did you let us be sold? Are we worth so little to you too?
Yahweh, Auntie took us to a country far, far away. She made us a pretend to be her grandchildren in order to get past the men at the border. We traveled for many, many days. Sister and I were really, really scared. Nevertheless, we trusted you Yahweh and you protected us. We reached this big city safe. Auntie gave us over to woman named Mother. Auntie said that Mother would teach us to be nurses and to Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. Mother gave Auntie a lot of money. Yahweh, curse Auntie. Let some bad man rob her of that money and kill her. Yahweh, why did you let her sell us? Why did you stop protecting us?
Yahweh, Mother had another girl take us to our room. We asked if she was studying to be a nurse too. She laughed at us. Mother came to our room and brought nice dresses for us to wear. She told us to wash our faces and hair and put on the dresses because there was going to be a party in our honor. We were so excited Yahweh. We were so sorry that we doubted you. Once again, you protected us! We went down to the party and there were many old men around.
Yahweh, one old man told Mother Ill take them both if theyre virgins and gave her some money. Mother put us in a room with him and told us Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. She locked the door behind her. The man made sister and I sit on his lap. He made us touch him in his private places. He looked sick and he smelled sick. So we thought that maybe he was sick and we were learning to be nurses. Then he started touching us in our private places and told us to take off our clothes. We were really, really scared. Sister said No! and tried to protect me. I yelled for Mother, but she didnt answer. I yelled for you Yahweh, and you didnt answer either. The man hit sister. Sister kicked and hit the man. The man hit sister harder and harder. Finally, I heard sisters neck snap and she fell to the floor dead. I cried so loudly Yahweh. I dont remember much after that, other than Mother coming in and hitting me for making such a scene. She was also angry with the man for killing sister. She told him that hed have to pay her 20,000 rupees more because sister could have earned her that much money for her. Yahweh, please give this man a very, very short life and painful death. Yahweh, why did you let the man kill sister? Why didnt you protect her?
Yahweh, the next day Mother fed me breakfast with her own children. She told me that I had better do as Im told or things wouldnt be ok. That afternoon another old man came and gave Mother money. She locked me in the room with him and said, Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. He wanted to me to perform sex acts on him. I said No! He beat me and I bit off part of his ear. Mother came in the room. She beat me until I became unconscious. I woke up in my room the next day with my hands tied to the wall. Mother asked me if I was now going to do what I was told? I said, No! Mother said, We shall see and kept me tied to the wall for a week with no food or water. I even had to pee all over myself. Yahweh, let Mothers children become orphans. Treat her like she treated sister and me. Yahweh, why do you let people do this to me? Have you stopped loving me like mama did?
Yahweh, after a week, I was so weak that all I did was sleep. I thought I was going to die. The thought of dying was so pleasant to think about I would see you, sister, and papa again. And I wouldnt have all this pain anymore. Then a girl woke me and said, Drink this. It is sweet yogurt and will make you feel better. I drank the whole jug. It tasted so good. My body felt alive again, my energy returned, and I knew I wasnt going to die. Yahweh, thank you for saving me again, you always are so faithful! Why did I doubt you?
Yahweh, after I drank the yogurt I was better, but then I started to feel funny. I wasnt tired, but everything was fuzzy. I think Mother put a drug in the yogurt as everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion. All I remember was her brining me into a room with three Western men, telling them I was still a virgin, and them giving her money. She told me Do as youre told. Everything will be ok. I know I was in the room with these men for hours. They took off my clothes, made me perform sex acts on them, and raped me and sodomized me many, many times. Yahweh, make these mens penises shrivel up and fall off so that they can never have any children! Yahweh, why am I so bad that you let people do this to me? Will my misery every end?
Yahweh, after this event I was broken and just did as I was told. Sometimes I had sex with fifty men a day. One day, however, this funny American man came. When we were alone in the room, he said he just wanted to talk. He said he was a Christian and wanted to help me. He asked me my name and if I wanted to go home. He said he could help me escape. didnt know what to say and was scared, so I just yelled and yelled until Mother came. She apologized to him for my bad attitude, told him shed find him another girl, and beat me. Yahweh, did you send this man to help me? Will you please give me a second chance and send someone else?
Yahweh, another American came. He wore a cross around his neck so I thought you answered my prayers and sent him too. However, he wasnt like the other American man, he didn’t want to help. He just wanted to have sex with me like everybody else. Yahweh, punish all these men who have violated me and the other children. Yahweh, how long will you turn a deaf ear to my prayer? How long will you allow my enemies to triumph over me?
Yahweh, Mother took me to the garbage dump and left me there to die. She said I have AIDS, looked horrible, and nobody will pay to have sex with me any longer. She said Im good for nothing. However, two Christian nuns found me and brought me to this clinic yesterday. They washed me, fed me, put clean clothes on me, and gave me some medication so that I dont hurt anymore. The doctor here told me that Ill be seeing you soon, maybe even today. Im looking forward to meeting you face-to-face Yahweh. It will be fun to see papa and sister too as I miss them terribly and it seems like an eternity since I saw them last. Yahweh, Im sorry that I doubted you; you did deliver from all those bad men and Mother after all. Thank you for delivering me too from this sorrow in my soul and this grief in my heart. I praise you Yahweh; your goodness and faithfulness endure always and forever!